Clover Journesy Copyright © 2021
One year ago, and held in an emotional prison of an unforgiving darkness. My confidence had sunk lower than the deepest well, dried up from lack of rain. I told myself, “This is not who my mother raised,” and I needed to face the excruciating reality that the marriage is over. I will no longer accept being ignored and made to feel invisible, or not worthy, but how do I get out? The hurt blinded my whole being; logical decision making had become screwed and not wanting my next move based on emotions. In the past, I lost a lot by making spontaneous knee jerk decisions.
I, will pray, meditate, and ask Allah ta ala to guide and protect me, then I will know what to do next. In the meantime, I began packing, selling the furniture that I purchased two months prior and updates to the house interior, with the money I earned in my online marketing business. I began sharing my situation with my adult children and continued to sell, give away and pack until the answer of what to do next came to me.
A month later, I had packed most of my possessions. My daughter called and said, “Mom, come out and stay with us; you do not need to be in that situation, and save your IRA and do not lease an apartment. Rent is crazy.” My loving son said, mom you’ll be at a loss without your car. Do not worry, I will have it transported. Mashallah, this is when I thank God, that he placed in my heart to be a good, supportive and loving mom to my children when they were younger and through to today. Had it been any other way, I don’t know where I would be at this exact moment. One year later, I have goals. I’m mentally rested and physically invigorated, living in a stress - free and loving environment surrounded by my family. Alhamdulillah.
Through chaos comes order. Every valley is a lesson and every hill is a warning. Listen to your heart and do not let your brain hold you hostage by fear. "Trust yourself and know you are God's creation and only wants the best for you - you must prove it by making the first decisive move and the help will be there to protect and guide you going forth. Subhanallah